Taco Bell’s Breakfast Taco of Death


The biggest food story of the week has been the unveiling of Taco Bell’s new breakfast menu. The coverage has been so pervasive that  even the sports radio jocks in my hometown of Fredericksburg, VA were drooling over them on air. The cornerstone of the new Taco Bell breakfast menu is the Waffle Taco, which Taco Bell describes as “a warm waffle wrapped around a hearty sausage patty or flavorful bacon, with fluffy scrambled eggs and cheese, and served with a side of sweet syrup.”

The name “Waffle Taco” is way too innocuous for this culinary Chernobyl, so I’m renaming it the Breakfast Taco of Death. Let’s unwrap this little beast to see why:

“A warm waffle” – Waffles, their a pretty safe bet, right? Depends on who is making them and I am making the assumption that Taco Bell is making a waffle closer to Kellogg’s Eggo Waffles than Nature’s Path Organic Waffles. Here is the nutritional information on Kellogg’s Homestyle Eggo Waffles. #1 ingredient is “enriched flour.” “Enriched flour” is an oxymoron because the flour is first stripped of most of its vitamins and minerals to increase shelf life and then a few vitamins and minerals are added back in. Next ingredient is water – let’s give them the benefit of the doubt they haven’t screwed that one up. Then comes the “vegetable oil (soybean, palm and/or canola oil).” I guess they use whatever cheap oil they have laying around that day. 93% of soybeans are genetically modified. Palm oil accounts “for the highest rates of deforestation in the world.” And 90% of canola oil is genetically modified and has become so widespread that it is growing wild in the U.S. and Canada. “Eggs” are a key waffle ingredient and we can assume they are of the industrial style, not the local pastured variety. Next is “leavening (baking soda, sodium aluminum phosphate, monocalcium phosphate),” which allows the waffles to rise. Let’s give them a free pass on this one. Eggo waffles then contain “less than 2% of sugar, salt, whey, soy lecithin, yellow 5 and yellow 6.” Let’s give them a high-five for only putting in 2g of sugar (well get to the syrup later), but the 360 mg of salt is 15% of your daily allowance. And what is this yellow 5 and 6? Well, don’t worry about that unless you are concerned about “learning and concentration disorders in children.”

Wow, that was just the waffle.

“Hearty sausage patty or flavorful bacon” – Sausage and bacon are made from pigs. And the pigs Taco Bell is making them from come from factory farms. Every year, 100 million pigs are slaughtered in the U.S. Over 90% of them spend their lives in factory farms where they don’t have enough room to turn around, much less see the light of day. And they are so sick they need to be constantly jacked up on antibiotics to keep them alive – tasty!

“Fluffy scrambled eggs” – We already mentioned eggs in the waffles section, but if you need a reminder, watch this video of an industrial egg laying operation.

“Cheese” – You need dairy cows to make cheese. I was surprise to find Forbes as the source for this food debacle, which quotes Gary Francione, Distinguished Professor of Law at Rutgers, as saying, “There is probably more suffering in a glass of milk than a pound of steak.” In addition, the cheese Taco Bell is using is likely coming from cows have been given rBSG and rBGH – or hormones. Unless your are Barry Bond’s ever growing head, that’s not a good thing. And finally, like pigs, industrial cows are always sick and constantly on antibiotics, which is creating super bugs and making you resistant to antibiotics.

And finally, “a side of sweet syrup” – Maple syrup? No way. I’ll eat a Waffle Taco if the syrup isn’t made from high fructose corn syrup (HFCS), just like Aunt Jemima’s. I don’t see much a difference between sugar and HFCS, but both are leading causes of the diabetes and obesity epidemics in this country, and the more you read, the more you will consider sugar a toxin.

So there you have it. Taco Bell’s Breakfast Taco of Death filled with GMO and industrial food products with an ample side of toxic syrup. Enjoy America and make sure you have signed up for Obamacare, because you are going to need it.


One response to “Taco Bell’s Breakfast Taco of Death

  1. Boo fuckin’ hoo. Live forever, crumple into a ball of diseased meat. You really think human beings were intended to live for a hundred years, don’t you? You want to eat whole wheat quinoa veggie faggot food and call the rest of us ignorant meat-eating cavemen, you go right ahead. I’m dialing Buddha reasoning here: you can’t just live and be miserable; you need to be happy enough to make it worth living. Quality of life is more important than quantity.

    BTW, those ‘Waffle tacos’ are actually pretty decent. Have fun munching artisanal faggot gluten-free shit!

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